Before any of that, though - the part no one says out loud. The flush of shame when you catch yourself doing it again. The tiredness of being the reliable one, the easy one, the one who needs nothing. The private suspicion that something in you is broken, and that everyone else got a manual you missed.
Now look again, from the start. A child works out how to stay safe with the people they have, not the people they wish they had. Giving more, keeping the peace, needing no one, taking the blame - every one of these was, in its first context, intelligent. It read the room correctly. It chose the option that cost the least.
You did not develop a flaw. You solved a problem so well that the solution outlived the problem.
The problem is not the pattern itself. The problem is that it runs in contexts where it no longer serves you - a strategy designed for one situation, applied automatically to every situation. The skill was never the issue. The autopilot is.
Wouch does not try to talk you out of a pattern. You cannot reason your way out of something the body learned. Instead it works with the only thing that reliably changes these templates: repeated experience of relating that goes a little differently, in conditions safe enough for the nervous system to update what it expects.